About me…


I’m Hannah. I’m from New Zealand, and have been married since 2002 to a rather awesome and patient man. I have a passion for gymnastics (artistic only), ice cream … actually scratch that, I’m passionate about food in general, and in my own opinion, am borderline hyperactive (hence my husband’s need for patience). But as much as I feel I am borderline hyperactive, I’m also (apparently) very contemplative and grounded. Go figure.

Here’s the nutshell version…

In October 2014 my husband and I had the best news. We were pregnant 🙂 We got to see it on an ultrasound, see it’s little heart flickering away, it was really exciting. Someone I could teach cartwheels to. But unfortunately at 8 weeks our excitement turned into sadness when I experienced a missed miscarriage (yes, it’s a thing). Then, I had a couple of ovarian cysts that were growing a little too rapidly for my doctor’s liking. Onto the pill I go! After 2 months ultrasound confirmed the cysts were gone (yay!) and life could get back to normal. Normal being a more concentrated effort to fall pregnant again around our busy work and home life, and trying to sort our brains out from the tragedy that had overcome us.

Fast forward to November 2015. It was about 5am and I think I had been awake for about an hour already (or close to it). I couldn’t wait any longer so I went and did a test. I was surprisingly disciplined and didn’t look at the test until the timer went off. I knew I was pregnant, I just knew it, but when I looked at the test and saw two pink lines instead of one, I think both my heart and stomach jumped into my mouth. And no, it wasn’t nausea! So – test number 2 (Clearblue digital with conception indicator, with the less fancy test showing positive I had to do a back up test because I knew my husband would ask if I was sure) also showed a positive result. You can’t argue with the digital screen that says “pregnant” and “1 – 2 weeks”. My doctor agreed that it would be a good idea to get an early ultrasound after what happened last time. So, we waited until 7 weeks (didn’t want to go too early, in case we didn’t see a heartbeat). Much to our disappointment we didn’t see anything. I was pregnant alright, there was something in my uterus, but at the same time, there was nothing. External and internal scans showed exactly the same thing. I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw it, before the sonographer said anything. I knew what an early ultrasound should look like, and it didn’t look like what was on the screen in front of me. Two weeks later we had a follow up scan. Still nothing to be seen, just an empty (slightly bigger) gestational sac. A blighted ovum was confirmed, and within 2 days I was at the hospital going into day surgery. Again. Sigh.

Thanks for taking the time to come by and read. Feel free to head to the archives to read a bit more on my story and continuing journey. I know everyone’s experience is different but I hope you can enjoy / find comfort in my posts 🙂