Yesterday was our specialist appointment. Strangely enough I woke up feeling a little nervous, even emotional. I wasn’t sure why, because up until then I had been feeling rather nonchalant about it. I wasn’t expecting much aside from the test results we did before we fell pregnant (the second time, Nov 2015), and an action plan on what to do with the ‘leftovers’. Maybe it was the possibility of having another D&C playing on my mind, or maybe the situation as a whole just surfaced because of what the day was.
I’d never met the specialist before and I’m really glad he was a nice guy. I was told to expect by my GP that the specialist might look at my age and strongly recommend IVF or some other form of assisted conception. He didn’t, and I’m really glad. It took a bit of a load off my mind.
He looked at our test results and advised us that all was normal. One of my tests were slightly low but he wasn’t concerned as that may be ‘my normal’. And plus, I had fallen pregnant twice before within the past year or so, it’s obviously not that big of an issue for that one test to be slightly low. He performed another ultrasound which confirmed the report of the ultrasound done last week. I had leftover products of conception. Which we all knew to be accurate and true even before his ultrasound, but I’m glad he had a look for himself. He reported that everything else looked normal too, which I’m happy about. The last thing we need is another problem! He recommended another procedure, but this time a hysteroscopy. This time they’ll go in, perform another D&C but they’ll send a camera in there too for good measure.
We took the time to ask a few questions, which he happily answered. I’m so glad that Karl was there too, hearing words from the specialist’s mouth. Not only the credibility of the specialist, but having the specialist actually helping us to understand things was just so good.
But still, the thing rattling around in my brain is, what if we’re just not supposed to have children? I can get pregnant all I want but what if this just keeps happening? Are we going to be that blind about it all and just keep trying? Granted, we may just have been really unlucky these times, and we might have the best of pregnancies next time, but there’s always that ‘what if’ factor. I suppose that’s just where faith comes in and we take things one day at a time. Step one – get through the procedure. Step two – recover. Step three – see what happens next.
What I really want is to have some enjoyment from Summer. Last Summer was affected by my first miscarriage to a certain degree, and this Summer feels like it’s going to be wiped out completely due to the second miscarriage. Hopefully I recover well and get some swimming in before the weather cools down again.