How to remember

I often think of how I’m a mother of two, that we just have yet to meet. We met on ultrasound, and of course in person but not in the way you conventionally meet someone. I ‘met’ them in the sense that I knew they were there (at least for a short while), I gave them love, did my best to eat well and look after myself, and I presume they ‘met’ me in the sense of “yay Mum’s given me all my required nutrients today and I’m cosy and warm, ready to grow.”

When we had our first miscarriage, I felt like I needed something to remember it by. You hear of people getting tattoos, but I’m not a tattoo person. I think there are some great ones out there but I am just so indecisive – what would I get? And then I just had this feeling that getting something like that is something that I might move past and then regret getting it. So, after some thinking, I made a decision. Before I found out I was pregnant, I was in London at my best friend’s wedding. I bought a necklace to wear to the wedding, and I thought that it would be quite appropriate in a few ways.

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For one thing, it is about the same size my baby was when it died. It also reminded me of a blastocyst, the bunch of cells that develop not long after fertilisation. And it also reminded me of a disco ball! Maybe it seems odd, but before I had confirmation of the pregnancy, we did a lot of dancing at my friend’s wedding. Not disco dancing, but just lots of dancing. With those few factors I felt it was a good choice to remember my baby by.

When the next pregnancy rolled around, and then we lost it, I had that feeling again. How would we remember our number 2? I didn’t feel like my “disco ball” was appropriate any more, I felt like our second baby was missing out. I discussed it with my husband after finding a few necklaces I liked, who obviously stored it in his mind for later.

Fast forward to last night. Every second Thursday I have a massive day at work, and I get home super late. When I got home I saw something on the bench. It was a card with a little box. I knew exactly what it was, which of course set off the emotions right away! I opened the card and read it. He even wrote a little poem, or at least attempted to, which made it really sweet and funny. I opened the box, and I saw a lovely silver necklace. He did really well in choosing it, it was one of the first designs I had looked at and had actually forgotten all about. Needless to say I was super happy and felt really special. He remembered my feelings and knew how important it was to me. One loop for each baby 🙂

Gold star goes to my husband 🙂

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Author: thegriefdiariesblog

A borderline hyperactive Personal Trainer, navigating the process of starting a family.

4 thoughts on “How to remember”

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