Taking control

It’s been a while! Not that 6 days is a long time, but it seems like it.

I can’t say that much has happened, apart from normal everyday life. Work and home are okay, with highs and lows along the way.

Last Saturday we caught up with one of my good friends. We both have puppies (hers is a year older than ours, but is a border collie so is absolutely overflowing with energy!), so us, our husbands and pups hit the beach. It was a really good time, but the hard thing about it is she’s due to have her first child in about 3 weeks. Thankfully she knows about both miscarriages. She’s probably one of the best people who could know. She’s ridiculously compassionate and an awesome listener, so even though it was hard to see her obviously due stomach at every turn it was still a bearable catch up.

I did realise though, that in about 3 weeks, she will be having a baby. Or really, any time now. In a short time they will go from 2 people to 3, and I do find that mildly confronting. Not run-out-of-the-room-uncontrollably-sobbing confronting, but just confronting. I’ve gotten used to her being “Pregnant Friend”, now I will need to get used to “Mum with Baby Friend”. I’m sure I will be fine when I hear the news, and meet their baby, but still it’s hard and uncomfortable at times.

Last week, my manager told me that him and his wife are expecting their second child, they were 9 weeks at the time. To my knowledge it wasn’t planned, but that doesn’t really make much difference or soften the blow. Of course it’s exciting news and I’m happy for them, but I did decide that I didn’t quite feel like saying congratulations. Not because I’m jealous or spiteful, but just because I didn’t feel like it. And I’m allowing myself that because I’m being kind to myself. I made sure he knew that I was happy for them and how exciting the news was, but, I’m not congratulating him, at least not yet.

Last week, a former work colleage announced their pregnancy on facebook. 18 weeks, due in August. About 1 month after I would have been due. Unfollow. Not unfriend – just unfollow. I don’t need to see her growing belly at unexpected times. I’ll update myself on her progress when I feel up to it.

So, I suppose what I can conclude from this post, is that I’m doing my best to take control. My triggers are everywhere, but I can control some of them. And I think that’s good. I’m taking steps to protect me when I’m feeling fragile, and I’m deciding when I come to the “yay you’re pregnant” party.

Two and a half weeks on from my hysteroscopy, and things are going well. I have been given the go-ahead by the specialist team that I am allowed to swim (not in a pool). Can I get an Amen and Hallelujah? But – the ironic thing is it’s now Autumn here… so, Summer successfully came and went without a swim, so hopefully I’ll be able to get a swim in before the weather cools down too much. The weather is very hit and miss lately, showers multiple times per day, sometimes storming, and when the weather is good the ocean is rough. So… let’s see how that goes. I’ve been tracking my temperatures and it looks like I ovulated this months, a few days later than normal but pretty good for a cycle mucked up by surgery. So in around 2 – 3 weeks I suppose we’ll have another cycle roll around and we’ll be back to normal. Here’s hoping I don’t go into full on baby making mode and burn out on my first cycle, ha!

Anyway, I’m hungry. I’m going to eat 🙂


Author: thegriefdiariesblog

A borderline hyperactive Personal Trainer, navigating the process of starting a family.

One thought on “Taking control”

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