Undecided…

I need to bounce an idea off you all.

Since the last miscarriage I’ve always been of the mindset that when we get back into trying again I would chart my temperatures until ovulation was confirmed and then I would stop charting and just see what happened. Last cycle that didn’t happen, I just temped all the way through.

I like this approach because seeing your temperatures do their thing (good or bad) can mess with you. We all know how the 2WW is and you find yourself going from hopeful to despairing to “just calm down woman!” in what seems like the space of 5 minutes. From an emotional perspective this could be a good decision, I may not get my hopes up quite the same as I normally would.

I don’t like this approach because I love being informed. It’s exciting to see that steady temperature rise because it’s good to know that my body is doing what it should in it’s luteal phase. And I love being able to compare each cycle (pregnant or not) to learn more about my body. From a pregnant perspective, it’s fun to look back and see potentially when inplantation occurred, or when pregnancy really became noticeable through temperatures. I’d find it frustrating to end up being pregnant one cycle and not be able to look back on information. It’s also super handy to see the temps drop and know that I should be preparing for a period. I like being prepared. But – could the lack of information be just what I need?

So as you can see there are 2 very valid cases for temping and not temping post-ovulation. And I have no idea if your thoughts will help me in the slightest. I’m even compelled to think that I will probably just keep going because I’m such a FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). But please do comment on any of your experiences, it might just help me out!

Home turf

There’s one thing you can guarantee when you go home – mixed feelings.

Happiness…
That delightful feeling of connectedness to the country of your origin is pretty good.

Nostalgia…
Driving down the road and seeing significant places, remembering good and bad times.

Sadness…
Saying goodbye once again to loved ones. This family time is definitely bitter sweet.

Frustration…
Why can’t things be easier / better? Why would it really be too difficult to come back? If we came back then we would miss all our friends we have made in our “new” home. Why does our world have to be so far apart, even when we’re just “across the ditch”.

Renewed connection…
I found out that my Grandmother had a miscarriage too, between my mother and my aunty. As sad as that is it’s nice to know that she probably knows how I’m feeling, even though things were dealt with very differently 50 years ago. Not that I would talk to her about it though, I feel like she has enough bad days already without bringing up a potentially sensitive subject (she’s starting to show signs of mild dementia).

Full…
So. Much. Food.

But, feelings aside, here’s a few more happy snaps from the holiday…

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Huka Falls, Lake Taupo.

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Mt Ngaruhoe (Mt Doom from the Lord of the Rings) hiding behind some clouds.

Happy birthday to me!

Well it’s been a big week! On Thursday I turned 33, and jumped on a plane with Karl to New Zealand.

So far I’ve done aerials (silks & lyra) with my brother and his girlfriend, trampolining with my best friend and her kids, and eaten a LOT of delicious food that might just come under the “junk” category… don’t tell my clients… haha (I’ve already told them actually!).

Here’s a few happy snaps…

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This is apparently called “mermaid”

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Somersaulting fun!

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Goody gum drops ice cream – so good!!

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A cool and crisp NZ morning, just what we signed up for!

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The difference between NZ grass and Australian grass? In Australia you have poisonous creatures that could kill you, and ants that bite and cause big itchy welts for a week or so. NZ has just grass. And maybe the odd worm that pops up to say hi. Footwear is not essential on NZ grass and it’s wonderful!

Now it’s time for more adventures after breakfast 🙂

Time travel

Do you ever find yourself thinking about everything that has happened, thinking about when everything was good and going well? I do, every single day. Every spare moment.

It’s interesting how I’ll be remembering things, and then it’s like I feel myself trying to do something momentarily. Before I know it the moment has passed and I realise with renewed grief what I was trying to do.

Why can’t I just go back to a place when all of this heart break never existed?

I’m trying to go back in time without even realising, even though I know I can’t. This happens so often. Is this the level of grief I’m at? Desperation fueled time travel attempts? It all seems a little bit much sometimes.