What is this familiar feeling..?

So this week I went back to gymnastics. Oh my goodness I haven’t felt this happy for so long!!

The class was good. We spent more time doing strength and conditioning than I had hoped but overall it was great. Despite having a gymnastics background and being a PT (an out of shape one at that!), I was still a little nervous. People think that once you have that certification all nerves and insecurities go out the window. Nope – we’re still human! But anyway I kept up with everyone well enough to not look like I was dying inside (or maybe I’m just not as out of shape as I thought I was).

We separated after the workout to go on apparatus and it’s nice to know that even though some things looked a little ugly I could still do some of my most difficult tricks without any real supervision or assistance. And that said, please don’t think that I was learning terribly difficult skills 2 years ago when my training was more regular 😂

I had a go on the tumble track and soon got my flysprings back up to scratch, or at least looking a lot prettier. The best part about tumbling is generating enough power and momentum that while you do stick your landing, you keep on going and end up in a crumpled heap on the soft mats. It’s what I call the “splat” and it’s very fun 😊

This wasn’t my best splat, but it was still fun 😊

After that I moved to bars. The B grade girls were training on the proper bars so I just settled for the training bars. While this video also shows another splat, prior to this I got my back hip circle on the first attempt after two years of not doing them. Needless to say it was an exciting moment complete with fist pumps. I definitely need to work on my casts though (pushing away from the bar between the hip circles)… they look a bit pitiful!

Then, beam… ❤ My favourite apparatus but also the most terrifying. I don’t know why I love it so much, but one of the best things about beam (apart from not falling off) is the sound it makes when you land. It’s a combination between a squeak and a thump and it is just the best sound in the world. Right up there with laughter. Anyway so when I was about 9 years old I taught myself a round off dismount and would practice it at home off the verandah with my siblings. I had done it a couple of years ago no problem but tonight was different. They had competition height beams!! I’m  169cm tall, and standing next to the beam it came to just below my chest. It’s mildly intimidating but makes you feel awesome when you stick your skills. The round off dismount itself is not hard at all. The hardest part is not mentally freezing when you’re at the point of no return going into the skill. That is when you risk falling. You must commit. So after 2 years of doing it on a normal height beam, plus who knows how many more years since doing it on a competition height beam, I am happy to say that I stuck each of my 3 dismounts 😊 

So folks, this is what happiness looks like. Bring on next week!

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Happiness is…

A recurrent feeling throughout this journey has been that of being on an unending roundabout, from period, to ovulation and back to period again (or pregnancy then miscarriage). It’s a process that sucks you dry, and you’re left searching for the original version of you amongst the broken shells of your now-life. How do you feel like yourself again when so much has happened and so much has changed?

In one of my previous blog posts I say how through my grieving process I’ve always plunged myself into some form of acrobatics. For some reason it’s a safe place for me and there’s comfort in that form of expression for me. Anyone who knows me well knows that one thing I am truly passionate about is artistic gymnastics (bars, beam etc, not ribbons and hoops!). The passion is unrelenting and I’ve felt that throughout this process if I don’t pursue gymnastics again I will have wasted so much training time and lived a life less than I am truly capable of, with much less enjoyment than what is ideal for anyone. The one thing holding me back is a training facility. My coach only operates on a Saturday these days which is my day off, a day off I take very seriously and don’t go to the gym or do any form of training, even if I enjoy it. After all, there is six other days on the week to be busy and work hard at your passions. With my team’s practice competition coming up in September, I really want to give this a good shot. Placing or winning a prize isn’t what’s important to me, it’s being immersed in my passion, having a distraction from all this lack-of-baby crap, and feeling happy again that is important. With 6-8 weeks to train for the competition I decided to take matters into my own hands. I need to train. So thanks to Google I have found a local gymnastics club just down the road from my work that does adults classes one night a week. I’ve struggled with taking this step mainly due to loyalty to my club. This other club does a group warm up then we all move to the apparatus and do our own thing. PERFECT. Just what I need. I’m doing my free trial this week, and all going well I’ll be training weekly again.

Where does this leave trying for a baby? It’s still happening, and it’s all about being careful and selective according to where I am in my cycle. Before ovulation I’ll be free to train on all apparatus, after ovulation I will stop training on bars (due to the impact of the bars on your hips and stomach), and maybe just train on the low beams to minimise any fall risks. Easy.

Life begins again, and I am happy 😊

Feeling hopeful :)

Once again it’s been a while since my last blog post. It’s been a busy time, with not much to report. Obviously I’m not pregnant yet, there would definitely be a post about that!

Work has been busy. The 8 Week Challenge has been going well and in 2 weeks it will be over. In a way I’m happy, I’ll be able to change my schedule to something a little more sane. I don’t mind waking up early and going to work while it’s still dark, but pair that with going home in the dark and regularly having 12 or 13 hour days just isn’t sustainable.

But I have also been working hard on my next program once the 8 Week Challenge finishes, and also online training options. I’m really looking forward to both, it’s an opportunity for me to continue to help people on a face to face training structure, and also help people who want to train with me but can’t for whatever reason (location, schedule, etc).

Trying for pregnancy is still going… not much to report although I did find out the other that that it looks like my private health insurance covers not only maternity but also assisted reproduction! I’m so used to not needing to claim anything on my health insurance (the hysteroscopy was the first time I’ve claimed) that I just presumed that we would have to pay. Anyway the original very loose plan was to give ourselves until the end of the year to fall pregnant then maybe try IUI. We both like the success rates of IVF in comparison with IUI, but the fact that we actually have fallen pregnant 2 times makes me (and my specialist) think that IVF may be a bit of overkill for now. The success rates of IUI aren’t too much higher than your own natural fertility rate, but the assurance that good quality sperm are definitely getting into my body is assuring, and I feel it’s the best next step. So now all I have to do is just call up the specialist and see if I can find out the “item numbers” for the procedure and call my health insurance fund to see if they cover it. If they do, we might be able to give it a go earlier than we had hoped. BUT, one step at a time. I don’t want to get ahead of myself because well, we may fall pregnant successfully before then anyway. As anyone who has spent a decent length of time trying for pregnancy knows, anything is possible.

As for my current cycle, I’m mid-luteal phase. You know, that time when the 2WW jitters really start to kick in? I haven’t given this cycle too much hope, considering I had a very mild case of thrush about a week ago (never a good sign for my body). Thrush and pregnancy hasn’t mixed well for me in the past. Also for the last week I’ve been sick with laryngitis. I am so so so over coughing! But thankfully my sinuses haven’t been blocked up so I can at least still breathe through my nose like a healthy human. The fact that I’ve been feeling less than average has really helped me not to symptom spot.

Until.

Two or three days ago my right boob felt a little tender occasionally. I remember this symptom. Before my first pregnancy was confirmed I jumped onto a bed stomach first and realised that was not a good idea! My first clue into a possible pregnancy. With my second pregnancy I remember feeling just a slight twinge of pain occasionally when rolling over in bed, almost like a bit of DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) after doing lots of push ups or bench press. The feeling was very fleeting but that cycle I was pregnant too. So now I just have to convince myself that it doesn’t mean anything and I should just stop thinking about it. Because, just like so many cycles before, I’m probably not pregnant this cycle too.

I have been thinking about pregnancy again lately. Which seems funny to say since I’m pretty much always thinking about pregnancy. But this is a bit different. I’m thinking about it less in a sad, grieving way, and more of a “I hope it happens again soon”, hopeful way. I remember what it feels like and I really want to feel that way again. Just the other day I remembered what our first ultrasound was like. We took the test, we knew I was pregnant, I had symptoms, but it really was something else when we got to see the little shape on the screen with a flickering heart. It was special and happy and I am just so looking forward to having that happen again.

Anyway I’d best be off. Time is marching away and I have plenty to do! Here’s hoping I see you all again in a few weeks with some good news 🙂