Feeling hopeful :)

Once again it’s been a while since my last blog post. It’s been a busy time, with not much to report. Obviously I’m not pregnant yet, there would definitely be a post about that!

Work has been busy. The 8 Week Challenge has been going well and in 2 weeks it will be over. In a way I’m happy, I’ll be able to change my schedule to something a little more sane. I don’t mind waking up early and going to work while it’s still dark, but pair that with going home in the dark and regularly having 12 or 13 hour days just isn’t sustainable.

But I have also been working hard on my next program once the 8 Week Challenge finishes, and also online training options. I’m really looking forward to both, it’s an opportunity for me to continue to help people on a face to face training structure, and also help people who want to train with me but can’t for whatever reason (location, schedule, etc).

Trying for pregnancy is still going… not much to report although I did find out the other that that it looks like my private health insurance covers not only maternity but also assisted reproduction! I’m so used to not needing to claim anything on my health insurance (the hysteroscopy was the first time I’ve claimed) that I just presumed that we would have to pay. Anyway the original very loose plan was to give ourselves until the end of the year to fall pregnant then maybe try IUI. We both like the success rates of IVF in comparison with IUI, but the fact that we actually have fallen pregnant 2 times makes me (and my specialist) think that IVF may be a bit of overkill for now. The success rates of IUI aren’t too much higher than your own natural fertility rate, but the assurance that good quality sperm are definitely getting into my body is assuring, and I feel it’s the best next step. So now all I have to do is just call up the specialist and see if I can find out the “item numbers” for the procedure and call my health insurance fund to see if they cover it. If they do, we might be able to give it a go earlier than we had hoped. BUT, one step at a time. I don’t want to get ahead of myself because well, we may fall pregnant successfully before then anyway. As anyone who has spent a decent length of time trying for pregnancy knows, anything is possible.

As for my current cycle, I’m mid-luteal phase. You know, that time when the 2WW jitters really start to kick in? I haven’t given this cycle too much hope, considering I had a very mild case of thrush about a week ago (never a good sign for my body). Thrush and pregnancy hasn’t mixed well for me in the past. Also for the last week I’ve been sick with laryngitis. I am so so so over coughing! But thankfully my sinuses haven’t been blocked up so I can at least still breathe through my nose like a healthy human. The fact that I’ve been feeling less than average has really helped me not to symptom spot.

Until.

Two or three days ago my right boob felt a little tender occasionally. I remember this symptom. Before my first pregnancy was confirmed I jumped onto a bed stomach first and realised that was not a good idea! My first clue into a possible pregnancy. With my second pregnancy I remember feeling just a slight twinge of pain occasionally when rolling over in bed, almost like a bit of DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) after doing lots of push ups or bench press. The feeling was very fleeting but that cycle I was pregnant too. So now I just have to convince myself that it doesn’t mean anything and I should just stop thinking about it. Because, just like so many cycles before, I’m probably not pregnant this cycle too.

I have been thinking about pregnancy again lately. Which seems funny to say since I’m pretty much always thinking about pregnancy. But this is a bit different. I’m thinking about it less in a sad, grieving way, and more of a “I hope it happens again soon”, hopeful way. I remember what it feels like and I really want to feel that way again. Just the other day I remembered what our first ultrasound was like. We took the test, we knew I was pregnant, I had symptoms, but it really was something else when we got to see the little shape on the screen with a flickering heart. It was special and happy and I am just so looking forward to having that happen again.

Anyway I’d best be off. Time is marching away and I have plenty to do! Here’s hoping I see you all again in a few weeks with some good news 🙂

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Author: thegriefdiariesblog

A borderline hyperactive Personal Trainer, navigating the process of starting a family.

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