Happiness is…

A recurrent feeling throughout this journey has been that of being on an unending roundabout, from period, to ovulation and back to period again (or pregnancy then miscarriage). It’s a process that sucks you dry, and you’re left searching for the original version of you amongst the broken shells of your now-life. How do you feel like yourself again when so much has happened and so much has changed?

In one of my previous blog posts I say how through my grieving process I’ve always plunged myself into some form of acrobatics. For some reason it’s a safe place for me and there’s comfort in that form of expression for me. Anyone who knows me well knows that one thing I am truly passionate about is artistic gymnastics (bars, beam etc, not ribbons and hoops!). The passion is unrelenting and I’ve felt that throughout this process if I don’t pursue gymnastics again I will have wasted so much training time and lived a life less than I am truly capable of, with much less enjoyment than what is ideal for anyone. The one thing holding me back is a training facility. My coach only operates on a Saturday these days which is my day off, a day off I take very seriously and don’t go to the gym or do any form of training, even if I enjoy it. After all, there is six other days on the week to be busy and work hard at your passions. With my team’s practice competition coming up in September, I really want to give this a good shot. Placing or winning a prize isn’t what’s important to me, it’s being immersed in my passion, having a distraction from all this lack-of-baby crap, and feeling happy again that is important. With 6-8 weeks to train for the competition I decided to take matters into my own hands. I need to train. So thanks to Google I have found a local gymnastics club just down the road from my work that does adults classes one night a week. I’ve struggled with taking this step mainly due to loyalty to my club. This other club does a group warm up then we all move to the apparatus and do our own thing. PERFECT. Just what I need. I’m doing my free trial this week, and all going well I’ll be training weekly again.

Where does this leave trying for a baby? It’s still happening, and it’s all about being careful and selective according to where I am in my cycle. Before ovulation I’ll be free to train on all apparatus, after ovulation I will stop training on bars (due to the impact of the bars on your hips and stomach), and maybe just train on the low beams to minimise any fall risks. Easy.

Life begins again, and I am happy 😊